Joie de Vivre

Why Pilgrimage????

Last month I set an intention. I am not always on it, sometimes I "fall off the log," but I find that in general... "It works if you work it." So. Here it is:

In the midst of

change, loss and grief I choose JOY.

At work we give each other feedback all the time. And during a week in which I had felt most vulnerable, I was told that I actually exude Joie de Vivre! Well how 'bout that. I think it's working. Not to say that I intend to cover up sadness. No indeed. I just choose not to "waller" in it.

I was asked by a fellow pilgrim to speak on Pilgrimage to a group of women from my Grandmother's church and - in a tearful moment - chose the title Joie de Vivre, before I even knew what in the heck I would be talking about... Here's what I came up with:

Joy of Life, Finding JOY along the Way...

My definition of Pilgrimage is moving solo or in community toward a goal. And I believe it is in pursuing that goal, not necessarily in achieving it, that true happiness can be found... or created.

"We should concern ourselves

not so much with

the pursuit of happiness

but rather with

the happiness of pursuit."

-Hector and the Search for Happiness

There is not much JOY to be found when pursuing happiness as if it were always out of reach. When you find JOY in the pursuit of something… you live it through each. present. moment. In Wilderness Therapy we learn to practice what we preach, "Be where your boots are!" And answer questions that anxiously cast us out of the present with, "That's Future Information." We’ve all heard the somewhat cliché phrase that there is “Joy in the Journey” or perhaps as Miley Cyrus said, “It’s the climb.” Point is, Pilgrimage is not accomplished by constantly focusing on the goal far ahead, but rather on setting one foot in front of the other. If I had started my first long trek - The Appalachian Trail - thinking that my goal was 2,185.3 miles ahead of me… well, that would have been pretty daunting.

The “Joy of the Journey” can overcome misery. So far this year has been truly hard. I've taken a lot of hits and it's only the beginning. Things are changing, A LOT! In my personal life and in the world. Some expected and some not. Some I can control and some I cannot. CHANGE is good, healthy. And it can mean LOSS. Then GRIEF. Longing for what was... or could have been. In the midst of loss and grief it can be hard to hold on to JOY. There have been moments when I have thought, "am I even allowed to be joyful right now?" YES. Joyful is always allowed. There must be JOY. It is what can often pull us through.

People have asked me what was the hardest thing that I experienced on the AT, my lowest moment. Looking back, I struggle to think of one... Not that there weren't many times that the trail broke me down, physically and emotionally. I just look at the whole journey and I can't help but smile.

One day, I was hiking solo and it was raining. Hard. And whenever there was a break in the rain, the mosquitoes converged. I was running out of water, but I couldn't stop long enough to replenish my supply without getting attacked on all sides. I couldn't even fully satisfy my hunger during a lunch break that resulted in either soggy peanut butter tortillas or welts all over my arms and legs. Because of the perpetual precipitation, I was walking in mud over roots and rocks. I remember thinking to myself, "Could I be any more miserable?" And it was at that moment that I tripped and face-planted in the middle of the muddied trail. I sat up on my squishy pack... and just laughed at myself.

I have found JOY in the community while training for Ironman and walking the Camino, tho two completely different beasts! In the JOY of meeting new people and sharing experience, there is such a sense of “Pay it Forward.” Folks get so excited for you to join in their passion... When I was bike shopping for my first triathlon, I met a woman who was there picking up her new tri bike. I told her what I was doing and she was so excited. Albeit skeptical too, because I told her that I had already signed up for the full distance, I had never done a triathlon before and this would be my first bike without a backpedal brake. After establishing that I was serious(seriously crazy!), we talked for 45 minutes at the door before she finally just gave me her email address to continue the conversation. She and other friends I have made in this tri community have been key motivators in my pursuit of the sport and the good times therein.

On the Camino I was touched by the routine of breaking bread together. Literally. There were so many shared meals, during which we were served from one big pot placed in the center of the table! Sharing meals and quality time can be somewhat of a lost art these days. I found such great JOY in the people that I walked with and talked with and ate with. I started referring to them as my “CAMINUNITY.”

This is why I go on Pilgrimage.

Now here I am

changing my life again

to walk another long trail.

Making moves and big decisions.

Leaning into the discomfort,

excitement and fear.

Learning to LET GO...