I will skip ahead in my - as of yet - chronological retelling of this tale, for a special bit... and of course I will go back later.
Day 21 - March 18th - Manjarín
I had been aiming for la Cruz de Ferro BEFORE the bad weather came in. But what is "bad weather" really? Well, I can say that I had hoped for a sunmeeting on the mountain. And even considered running - I did a bit, yesterday - to reach the Iron Cross by either sunset or sunrise. I decided last night that I would no longer try to meet the sun... mostly because I was yet 20K away.
It was a beautiful morning though, and I knew I had at least until noon to reach the mountain before the predicted precipitation rolled in. WROOOONG!!!! The sky clouded over and was grey by 11:30. Entonces, it started snoooowing! So much for hustling. Finally, I slowed down.
I pulled out the stone I've been carrying from my mountains when I reached Rabanal. For the first time I contemplated its meaning. I think it is CONTROL. And at the Iron Cross I am meant to relax this iron fisted need to always be in control, to make a plan, to be on schedule. Therein lies the FEAR of FALIURE. Of not living up to my own expectations. But I am setting myself up.
So I would have a snowmeeting on the mountain. So be it! It is fitting. And I accept it. Actually, I am glad. I am not in control. THANK GOODNESS! Because of this feeling I was utterly surprised when I came upon la cruz.
Suddenly, out of the fog, it was there. And, of course, I had to walk through snow to get to it. Stone in hand. I had held it the whole way up the mountain, grown more familiar with the feel of it than I have been this entire trip. Now I knew it. It fit well in my palm. There is a small indenture in one side, because it was meant to be a top rock for bowdrilling, but never finished. So it have a perfect spot for the thumb, sort of like a "worry stone." I began to think, "I rather like this stone... Perhaps I will keep it"
•••
I approached la Cruz de Ferro. Picking my way thru the many stones that had been left by other pilgrims. Choosing my footing carefully, such that my eyes were on the ground until I reached the wooden base. Then, I looked up into the falling snow. Looked once more at the stone in my hand and turned it over one more time.
I started back down the hill of stones and threw mine over my back as I went. I didn't even look to see where it landed. Perhaps it cracked...
•••
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things that I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
